December 25, 2007

 

  December 25, 2007, was the last time we shared an intimate moment. I was thirteen and was getting my fair taste of puberty. You on the other hand, besides your height and physical features were a stranger to me. Behind a camera my Aunt Harriet tells us to pose for a few pictures. What I can remember the most was the fact that I was wearing a black and gold New York Yankees fitted cap. After pictures were taken, we parted ways. Me and my Aunt Harriet went back on the elevator to apartment 13H of 1165 East 229th Street. You pushed the door open to leave the building and walked into the night.    

  My Stepfather Reuben (former) was no better than you. He treated me as I was less than because he had two children with my mother that bared his last name. My Uncle Carl left this earth too soon. He had a lot more to teach me. My Uncle Forrest has been through thick and thin. I will always be proud to be an officer's son. Positive or negative I am carrying the treasures and burdens of other men. All of this simply because of your absence.    

  Far back as I can remember I never had faith in the nuclear setting. Macks and bachelors were my examples when it went to dealing with the female gender. Too bad I didn't have the clothes. The slick words. Not even the swagger. Can't blame me for trying though. The older I got the more insecurities I would obtain. The lust of my flesh would then overflow beyond boundaries. It was at this point in time where I was broken and powerless.    

  Throwing my first punch was done on my own. Shooting a basketball into a net for the first time was done on my own. Picking out my first outfit as a teenager was done on my own. Choosing the college of my choice was done on my own. Deciding on my career path was done on my own. I learned before I had entered adulthood that you would never be there for me. For this reason alone, the only one I call Father is God.   

  No child of mine will ever have to go through the pain, the suffering, and the humiliation that I had to endure. He or she will never have to worry about whether or not their father will be by their side. They will not have to worry about their father wishing death on their mother or casting threats towards them. Despite my flaws as a man, I will make it my life's mission to be active in my children's life. Any problem or challenge that stands in their way my number will be on speed-dial. Life's curveballs and whirlwinds surely will take a toll on them, but you bet your last dollar I will be there for my children. A man that does not take care of his responsibilities can never be prosperous.    

  I release you. I release you so you can be a better man. I release you so you can repent for your past mistakes. I release you so you can make it right for your Mrs., your babygirl, and junior. I release you so you can have a fresh start. I release you so we both can have freedom.